hitting the wall - and pushing through

I was wondering when this might happen. Maybe it was all that talk about obstacle courses but 
yesterday I 'hit the wall'. After 24 weeks and 24 suburbs - just shy of half way through this project
- I woke up and realised I had nothing in the tank. I felt completely and utterly devoid of energy
or motivation. Empty. As flat as a pancake - no, that's too buoyant - more like a crepe.

A marathon day on Monday - editing, assembling and posting more images than normal - didn't
help. It finished at 3am. Nor did the realisation that this week was going to be almost impossible
to find the time to do the blog - it was filled with appointments and kids' parties and just stuff,
the normal everyday life stuff I try hard to avoid so I can focus on this project - but sometimes
it's unavoidable and I just need to do it.

I thought about writing to you all yesterday about this wall I've hit - but I thought, nah, too self-absorbed.
Too me me me. But today I thought, bugger it, we're in this together - on this journey - and I reckoned
you could cope with my 'sharing'. 

So, am I about to abandon my project? 24 Suburbs rather than 52? No. NO! No way. I'm not going to
let this temporary glitch undo me. I work-shopped it all last night with good friends and that 
really helped - one of them was my neighbour who sees my light on late most nights, knowing
I'm in my office, chained to the computer, editing photos or whatever. She knows I pour my heart 
and soul into 52 Suburbs - that I LOVE it. But her counsel was wise - 'Of course you've bloody
hit a wall! You've been doing this without a break - fitting in work and looking after a child at the
same time - for almost six months and you need a break!' 

It was the slap of sanity I needed. We all have hard days when our job, paid or not, seems too much
and you just want to escape to an island far away. And really, considering the time and energy
I've spent on this project to date, I guess it's surprising I didn't hit the wall earlier. In fact, until 
yesterday, I was kind of amazed how driven and motivated I was, never needing to rev myself
up, just totally into it and rearing to go.

I could take a break - but I reckon this is the part where I am meant to dig deep and conquer
the inertia. I like a challenge and I'm 100% committed to this project.

So what I've decided to do is keep on course and do my suburb this week - but do a suburb that's 
close. Like really close. One that I've never explored on foot but driven through many times.

Why am I sharing ALL this? Well, two reasons. 

One, I wanted to explain that I remain true to my original purpose - to explore suburbs I've never
even heard of, ones that are generally far from the city centre. But that sometimes - Christmas,
now - life gets in the way and I have two options. To abandon or delay my post or do a suburb
closer to home.

The second reason I'm sharing this essay of thought and feeling with you is this - I don't need 
anyone to fawn over me - but I guess it might help to hear from you that you're still into this 
project - that you still love it - that I can console myself at 2am in the morning when I'm STILL
assembling my diptychs, that I'm not just doing this for myself. Because that's the thing - I may 
have started this project on my own, but pretty soon you joined me - and I really like that. There's
a sense of connection and community about it that I really value. It's not about me, it's about
a project that enables people to celebrate this pretty amazing city we live in. Isn't it?

And just so you know, I feel much better today. I woke up and started researching my suburb of
the week - expecting to feel as flat as I did yesterday - but as soon as I started reading about all
the old buildings and things I've never noticed, I felt some sparkle return. 

So I will be posting on Monday as usual - and I hope to press 'Publish Post' during daylight hours - 
but please forgive if the post is a little leaner than usual.

 

Okay, enough already. Thanks for listening. I feel better already.